slightly frozen custard pie
I have a gripe with Pi Day. Mathematically, I understand why it’s today. At one point in my life I could recite pi to double-digit decimals. I comprehend that numbers, unlike words, are objective, inflexible, and so Pi Day must fall on March 14.
But on March 14, at least here in the northern hemisphere, half the world’s best pies aren’t worth baking. Don’t even think about a strawberry rhubarb pie. Do not dream of blueberry or peach or blackberry or cherry or even apple. March 14 is one of the least hospitable moments of the entire year for fruit pies. It’s the exact moment when I feel the most despondent about fruit. The weather is getting warmer, trees are blooming, and I want a goddamn berry that tastes like something other than watered-down cardboard.
That’s all to say: I celebrate Pi Day almost exclusively with custards and nuts and even occasionally sweet potato. This year, I was bored of my usual options. And so, a new pie was born.
slightly frozen custard pie
adapted from/inspired by Claire Saffitz’s no-bake lime-coconut custards
active time: 1 hour, 15 minutes
total time: about 18 hours
The beauty of this pie is that it’s almost ice cream. But it’s not. It’s pie. It’s custard. It’s slightly frozen, which is exactly how custard should always exist: very cold, smooth and easily spooned.
There’s also a secret ingredient: miso. It mellows out the chocolate ganache so it complements the tart citrus rather than competes with it. I love miso. Miso for president.
One last thing: This pie is a little fussy. It’s a make-the-day-before-you-eat-it pie. It requires planning, and I am not often a baker who plans. But for this pie, at least, I will plan.
Preheat your oven to 350°F.
In a food processor, combine 180 grams of graham crackers, 40 grams of granulated sugar and 1 teaspoon of kosher salt for 20 to 30 seconds, until the graham crackers are fully crumbled and no large chunks remain. With the motor running, stream in 90 grams of melted coconut oil and incorporate until the mixture looks like damp sand.
Pour your crust mixture into a pie plate and press it evenly up the sides; you should have plenty of crust to get all the way up the sides of a standard-depth plate. And don’t worry about your crust being totally even in height. A little variation is nice! Do make sure, though, to press and compact the top edge of your crust so it doesn’t crumble down.
Once your crust is ready, bake it for 10-12 minutes, until it’s just a bit more golden than it already was and it feels slightly firmer to the touch. Set it aside to cool.
While the crust bakes, spread 2 tablespoons of unsweetened coconut flakes on a sheet pan. Set aside until the crust is finished.
The crust should still be baking. Next up, in a small bowl, break up 2 ounces of bittersweet chocolate into small pieces — about the size of a square of a Hershey bar. If you’re using chocolate chips, even easier. Heat 140 grams of heavy cream and 1 teaspoon of white miso in a small saucepan over medium heat, stirring frequently. The miso will dissolve into the cream as the temperature rises. Once the cream reaches a simmer, keep an even closer eye on it, cooking and stirring for 3 to 4 more minutes. Pour the warm cream over the chocolate and let it sit for 8 to 10 minutes.
When the crust is out of the oven, put the coconut flakes in and cook for 5 to 7 minutes, watching carefully. Coconut is unreliable!
Okay! Let’s regroup. The coconut is in the oven. Take your eyes off of it for a quick second and whisk the ganache vigorously, incorporating the chocolate and the cream. It should come together pretty seamlessly, but use some muscle to get the mixture really smooth. Then pop the crust (once it’s cooled to room temperature) and the ganache in the fridge.
Get the coconut out of the oven once it reaches a caramel brown color. Place it in a small bowl to cool.
Next, the custard. You’re going to need about 5 limes, depending on how juicy they are. Buy six, just to be safe. Zest one lime into the bowl with the coconut; you’ll wind up with about 1 teaspoon of zest. Set that bowl aside.
Zest two more limes into another small bowl. You should have 2 more teaspoons of zest.
Now, begin to juice your limes straight into the bowl that contains only the zest. (Not the zest-coconut mixture!) You want to wind up with ½ a cup (113 grams) of lime juice. Set the juice-zest mixture aside.
In a large saucepan, whisk together a 400 ml can of coconut milk, 480 grams of heavy cream, 156 grams of honey and ½ a teaspoon of kosher salt. Bring the mixture to a boil over medium-high heat, stirring frequently, which will take a bit less than 10 minutes if your stove’s definition of medium-high is the same as mine. Lower the burner temperature to medium and continue to stir the cream mixture frequently for about 20 minutes until the mixture has reduced by about one-third, to 3 cups. If you think you’ve gotten there, pour the mixture into a liquid measuring cup to check. Tip: It will be runnier than you expect. Don’t worry. Get yourself to three cups, and you’re golden.
Take the saucepan off the heat and pour in the lime juice-zest mixture, whisking vigorously to combine. Then pour it back into the liquid measuring cup (or into a medium-sized bowl), let it cool slightly, then put it in the fridge to cool even more.
Get the ganache out of the fridge and stir it to make its texture more uniform. It should have thickened significantly but still be pourable. Get the crust out, and pour the ganache into the crust, tilting the pie plate to spread the ganache all along the bottom of the crust. Put the crust back in the fridge.
Let the ganached crust and the custard cool in the fridge for 3 hours. When the custard is cooled and thickened, pour it (gently! without splattering the ganache!) into the pie crust and sprinkle the zest-coconut mixture on top. Put the pie back in the fridge overnight.
Four hours before you want to eat the pie, move it from the fridge to the freezer and let it chill even more. When it’s ready to serve, it’ll have the consistency of slightly soft ice cream.
I think I would love to eat this pie, but not to bake it🤣